I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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