Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
