My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
