Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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