She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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