made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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