Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
