How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
