There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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