This is not my ceiling
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
