dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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