Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
