My underwear smells like fireworks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
