afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
