We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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