Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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