Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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