Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
