Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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