the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it because I queefed?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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