At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
