I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
