I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
