I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I want her autograph on my taint
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
