um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
