well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
