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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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