she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
