Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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