I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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