I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it because I queefed?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
