I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
