Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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