i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
