I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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