Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I need to sanitize my soul.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
