I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
