UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
