I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
