Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
