Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
