She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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