we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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