I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
