lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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