it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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