i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
