I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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