My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
