Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
