onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
