sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
