Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
