dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
