I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will be naked everywhere
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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