It's Friday. Sex?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
