i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
