Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
