After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
