Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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