I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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