I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
