So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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