Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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