maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
