Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
