fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
