I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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