he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Found your dick twin last night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
