I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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