Do you still have your period?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
