Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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