He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
