I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You took a bar mat shot.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
