They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
