you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
