I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I could make wine with my vomit
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
