mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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