she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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