Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
