so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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