I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
