dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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