Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Randomize
