new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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