Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
