thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
